Tales of Gamindustri
by StealthCl0wn
Summary: A collection of assorted, unrelated short stories set in the Hyperdimension Neptunia universe.
1. The Ghost of Christmas Agitation

Iffy spent far too long thinking about how to do this than she was comfortable with.

Christmas was near and Compa, being her usual angelic self, decided to get every one of the Goddesses a present. It sounded nice on paper, and Iffy was happy to oblige.  
But then came the realization that they'd have to hand them over in person. "It's much nicer giving them in person!" proclaimed Compa. Iffy was far, far too smitten with her to protest, so she was forced to go along with it.

Giving Chika and Vert their gifts went relatively smoothly, though Vert gave Iffy a teasing kiss on the forehead as "reward", causing her face to turn crimson until the duo reached Lowee. This didn't come as a surprise to either of them, Vert was like that (Much to Chika's eternal dismay). It was no secret amongst their friends that Vert had a bit of a crush on Iffy. Indeed, most of their one on one visits were incredibly... touchy. They stopped after Compa started dating Iffy, though. Iffy kind of missed them, as Vert was always there to feed her. Chocolates, cakes, biscuits, anything really. Only Compa cooking could surpass Vert's. Iffy mocked Neptune for being a big eater, but in truth Iffy's appetite was probably larger than hers. Hopefully nobody knew that.

Blanc and the twins went slightly better. Ram tackled Iffy to the ground with excitement, and she was sheepishly helped to her feet by Rom. Despite the fact Ram was only 4ft3, she made quite an impact. Iffy suspected that she was going to wake up with some bruising tomorrow. Regardless, thank yous were exchanged, and the twins even gave the two some biscuits. Pirachu shaped biscuits. It's as if they'd forgotten about the little rat's strange obsession with Compa. Regardless, the biscuits were nice, if not a little awkward to eat. Pirachu was that one awful memory that everyone ignored until it was brought up. Pirachu wasn't exactly EVIL, he was just annoying. And a guy. Two big no-nos.

To their relief, Noire and Uni's delivery went swimmingly. It was formal, though Iffy felt a glimpse of gratitude break through Noire's usually haughty exterior. Uni was much more humble, though, and had to be reassured 10 times over that yes, the gift was for her. The two had a softspot for Uni. She was so precious, and her interactions with Nepgear made their heart melt. If it weren't for Neptune and Noire being so defensive, they would've easily told the two candidates to get together already.

Speaking of which, last on the list was... the Nep sisters.

Iffy was dreading this. The last time they'd saw the Nep sisters, Compa and Iffy weren't actually dating. But now they were, and all of the goddesses were aware. Iffy knew deep down that Neptune would say SOMETHING stupid. She always did. She was endearing, but by Goddess there was no filter between her thoughts and her mouth.  
As they approached the Basilicom, Iffy's thoughts started to fall back to what Neptune might say. What if she makes it awkward? What if she says something gross? What if she's expecting us? What if lady luck is looking out for us, and she's occupied by Peashy and Plutia? Neptune was always far too distracted by her wife and daughter when they were visiting, to the point that she was physically unable to say anything stupid whilst they were in close proximity. Maybe Histoire will come collect the gifts instead. That'd be so much better, Histoire was polite. She'd have trouble carrying the bag, though. Hrm. What if Nepgear was there? Nepgear was so polite. She was shy, but at least there'd be absolutely no problems whatsoever.

Iffy... actually felt bad that she was having these kinds of thoughts about Neptune. She was an idiot, yes, but she'd been a close friend of her and Compa for YEARS. Neptune's encouragement, however joking it might have been, was what caused her and Compa to get together in the first place. In a way, she owed Neptune a lot.

They got to the front door. At the very least, no matter what, Neptune would be alive, happy and joyful. At the very, VERY least, Iffy knew Neptune would never say anything emb-

Compa opened the door, and a familiar voice immediately sang words of horror.

"OH HEY IT'S THE TWO LOVEBIRDS, are ya gonna give Mama Neptune some grandkids soon?"

Scratch that. Neptune was fucking dead.


	2. Plutia and the Yellow Cannonball

Planeptune's Basilicom had slowly fallen silent. The party had slowly descended from an orchestra of uncoordinated noise to an empty silence. Everyone had finally, finally fallen asleep.

Opening one eye to survey the room, Plutia's eyes slowly adapted to the darkness. Everyone was sound asleep. Uni and Nepgear had fallen asleep beside one another, with their sisters beside them. The Lowee family was bundled up on one sofa, with Blanc  
essentially sandwiched between the twins. IF was smothered between Vert's magnificent bosom and Compa had rested her head on her lap.

The rest of the makers were strewn around the place; some a little closer than they'd consciously like to be.

Now was the time Plutia had been waiting for; she could finally spend some time with her precious daughter Peashy.  
While Peashy had attended the Christmas party, she quickly exhausted herself playing a game of hide and seek with the candidates (And Vert.) and was escorted by Histoire to a guest room to nap. Plutia had a very special gift for her precious little child.  
A week before Christmas, Peashy had seen 5pb. on the TV and was enraptured by the idol's performance. She begged and pleaded to be taken to meet her in person, to which the Planeptune crew always responded with an instant "maybe".

The truth was, rather than taking Peashy to see 5pb., 5pb. was going to come to Planeptune and meet Peashy. It was to be a surprise!  
But that wasn't what she wanted to give Peashy right now. No, what she wanted to give Peashy now was a lovingly crafted 5pb. doll. It was much easier to make than any others, because 5pb. is an international idol and reference pictures of her are easier to find that monsters in a cave.

Plutia slowly and carefully lifted herself from the sofa, taking great care not to stand on Nisa, who had fallen asleep just in front of her. (Though, Iris Heart would probably to great to ENSURE she stood on Nisa)  
Tip-toeing towards the door, Plutia was scanning the room to ensure nobody woke up. Not because she had anything to hide of course, but because everyone looked SO cute when they slept. Especially MAGES., who looked like an adorable sleepy teenager than a mad magician.

Plutia opened the door, closed it, and quickly made her way towards the room Peashy was in. Peeking through the keyhole to ensure she had the correct room, Plutia spotted her adorable tiny child.  
Pushing the door open slowly enough to ensure it was silent, Plutia made her way over to the bed where her daughter lay.  
Poke. "Peashyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" whispered Plutia.  
Nothing.  
Another poke. "Peashyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" asked Plutia.  
Nothing.  
One more poke. "PEASHY!" Plutia yelled.  
Slowly but surely and with much hesitation, Peashy's eyes opened. Her face was wearing an expression of anger, but it immediately warped into one of glee when she saw who had woke her up.  
"MAMA!"  
Plutia was tackled to the ground by a yellow missile. Not that she minded, she honestly thought it was the cutest thing.  
After about a minute of ground snuggles, Plutia decided to grab her daughter's attention.  
"Peashyyyyyy, I have a present for you"  
Peashy's expression of loving adoration immediately shifted to the most precious look of childish curiosity.  
Plutia got back on two feet and leaned in close to Peashy. The closer she got, the wider Peashy's eyes grew. She was so cute when she was confused, Plutia considered herself the luckiest mother on Earth whenever she saw it.  
Deciding she'd tormented Peashy enough, Plutia took out the 5pb. doll and held it in front of her. Peashy stared at it for a few moments, and for a split second Plutia almost thought this would backfire horribly.  
All doubt was dispelled when Peashy grabbed the doll and snuggled it whilst chanting "I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT".  
Plutia really did have the cutest daughter.


	3. Dangerous Tastes

The other Noire wasn't quite used to the Hyperdimension's basilicom. Whereas hers was decorated to fit her personal traits, this one was decorated in a very... "official" manner. In spite of the fact it was Christmas, anyone who lived exclusively within this building would be hard pressed to figure that out, as the building was devoid of any Christmas decorations whatsoever. It slowly freaked her out inside, made her uncomfortable, which she did NOT need today of all days.  
2 weeks prior to her visit, all of the Ultradimension had come together to witness the delightful marriage of Blanc and Vert. Everyone was celebrating that they'd found love. Noire celebrated alongside them, until a doubt sprung up in her mind.  
"Can I find love too?" she thought.  
She knew she wouldn't find any in the Ultradimension. Plutia was married to this world's Neptune, Blanc and Vert had JUST tied the knot. She could've dated Rei Ryghts, but she was far too dangerous for her tastes. Out of options, Noire turned her attentions to the other dimension.  
Would she end up with that dimension's Blanc or Vert? Or... would she end up with HERSELF? So many possibilities, many of them Noire refused to entertain.

After about half an hour of waiting on the lobby sofa, Noire heard someone enter the room. She turned, expecting to see her other self in her ridiculously fancy outfit.  
Instead she was met with a sight she never could've prepared for in all her days. Before her stood a 4ft11 silver-haired woman wearing an expression of impatience that, on anyone else, would've look terrifying.  
But on this woman it looked... enticing. Noire found herself staring for far longer than she felt anyone would be comfortable. Her cute little nose, her beautiful silver hair, her cold blue eyes, her immaculately well fitting suit, and her lips that really should be put somewhere on Noire's body  
"Can I help you?" said the woman sternly, as if she'd been reading Noire's every thought.  
Noire was startled by her sudden interruption, as well a little scared. Deep down, a part of her was even... excited. This woman before her was intimidating, and maybe even dangerous.

...

Oh no. It hit her.

Noire liked dangerous women. Noire. _Loved_. Dangerous Women. Iris Heart, Rei Ryghts. It all made sense now.

"I'm here to see... well, me, if schedule permits" said Noire, hoping that the woman would take her right here, right now, on the sofa to see Noire.  
The woman nodded. "Right this way. I also believe introductions are in order: I'm Kei Jinguji, the oracle of Lastation in this dimension."  
Kei Jinguji. So Noire finally had a name to whimper during the late hours of the night put to a face. Noire observed Kei carefully as they proceeded to Noire's office. The way she walked betrayed feelings of self-confidence. It was intimidating, powerful, impressive.  
Noire mentally slapped herself. She came here for other reasons, not to fantasize about Lastation's oracle.

...

Or did she?

She did come here in search of a partner after all.

"Noire isn't busy. You may proceed through this door and to the left to reach her office. I'll be going now, take care."  
Noire blushed whenever she spoke. Was it attraction or intimidation? She couldn't quite tell. Nonetheless, Noire proceeded to go meet her other half. She had some very important questions to ask her.  
Noire entered the office and was greeted by the sight of her other self beckoning her over to her desk. Taking a seat, Noire straightened herself out.  
"So, what brings YOU here today? You never visit. Blanc and Vert always get visits from their other self but not me." The other Noire was doing an awful job at masking her insecurities.  
"Well... I... uh..." Noire realized she hadn't actually PREPARED any questions. In an attempt to prevent any awkward fumbling, Noire steeled herself and prepared to ask a very dangerous question.  
"Your oracle... Kei... IS SHE SINGLE?" Noire blurted out. She had hoped it would come out more professional-sounding than that. There is no way this could go well.  
The other Noire's facial expression changed drastically. Her eyes widened, and her mouth curled into something that could only be described as an _**evil**_ , sadistic grin. Almost like Iris Heart. Sitting up from her chair, the now terrifying Noire slowly and playfully walked around her desk, and came face-to-face with her other self. She leaned in slowly, as if she was SAVOURING this. Getting right up close to her other self's ear, she spoke the words that would haunt Noire until she breathed her last;  
"I hope you haven't been pondering this, because Kei can read the narration."

Noire froze. If it weren't for the absurdly fast beating of her heart reminding her that she was still alive, she would've assumed she was dead. The other Noire was howling with laughter and clutching her sides. Her other self appeared from nowhere for the first time, and she wants her oracle? This was precious. This was AMAZING. Noire had to tell Kei and Uni about this. Maybe even Neptune.

Regaining her composure (barely), the other Noire made for the door.

"I'm going to go tell Kei about this, I'm sure her reaction will be positive."

Noire didn't even respond. She knew this was a mistake.

Instead she just collapsed to the floor, praying that death would take her before Kei found out.

Although she kind of wished Kei would take her instead.

Thump.

Ow.

Noire woke up in response to the thump. Where did it come from? It hurt. Was it Plutia again? Was she sleeping over at Blanc's place and Ram threw a book at her? Did Vert mistake her for Nepgear?

No, wait. This wasn't Planeptune's Basilicom. This wasn't Lowee's Basilicom. This wasn't Leanbox's Basilicom, and it sure as HELL wasn't _her_ Basilicom. So where the hell was she?  
Noire looked around. This decor was _**awful**_. Black and gold and white? It was like an art student's first attempt at interior decorating, an awful one at that.

...

Awful art student. Who did Noire know who was like an awful art student? Why, other Noire of course! At least, that's what she could've gleamed for her counterpart's awful cosplay choices. Now that she'd figured out where she was, the second question came.

 _ **WHY?!**_

Not that she was complaining too much. This bed was so warm and soft and comfortable and snug and welcoming and-  
Noire spotted something out of the corner of her eye, lying discreetly on the bedside table. It was a little nondescript name tag, with the only a little teal trim to differentiate it from a bog-standard one. Noire picked up and looked at it closely. Kal Jimgojl. That didn't seem right. Noire rubbed her eyes, wiping the sleep off. Much better, she could see clearly now. She took one more look at the name tag.

Kei Jinguji.

It hit her. it all came back to her. Everything she'd suppressed since passing out was coming back to her at an uncomfortable pace.  
Oh god. She was in Kei's bed. _She was in Kei's bed._ _**SHE WAS IN KEI'S BED.**_

Noire dropped the nametag and let out a small yelp. All sense of calmness and serenity had vanished, replace with panic and fear.  
What if she came back right now? Did she put her here? Was it her counterpart that put her here?

Speak of the devil and she shall rear her evil grinning little face. As Noire said that, she noticed her counterpart peaking in the bedroom door. When it became apparent she'd been spotten, Hyper!Noire collapsed into the room, laughing far too hard to justify or explain anything. Noire had hoped that this wouldn't last long.

15 minutes later.

Hyper Noire was still on the floor, the sounds of her laughter replaced by a sound similar to a small goblin on helium being tazed. It would be cute, if she wasn't drenched in tears and making facial expressions that resembled someone's mouth being forcibly opened and closed with mechanical apparatus.

15 minutes more.

Was it even possible for someone to laugh that long? Hyper Noire's laughter had gone silent, the only indicator she was still laughing was the occasional tiny yelping sound.  
Finally, Hyper Noire stopped laughing. Barely. Standing herself up, her counterpart only had to take one look at her to begin smiling evilly.

"While you were napping, I told Kei allllllll about your little crush. You passed out, so I took the liberty of letting you get into her bed and experience it a little earl-"

In an instant, Hyper Noire was on her belly with a pounding headache.  
Noire had suplexed her. In a split second, Noire had gotten out of bed, positioned herself behind her counterpart, wrapped her arms around her waist, and slammed her into the ground behind her.

The impact drew some unwanted visitors. Two guards appeared at the door, followed by a third figure. The guards moved to help Hyper Noire up, but a sigh and a dismissal from behind drew them out of the room.

It was Kei. Kei was here. Kei _knew_.  
In hindsight, Noire wished that she died when she passed out.

"Noire. You have work to do." Kei spoke sternly and bluntly to the other CPU. In turn, her counterpart sighed and walked off.  
It was just the two of them. Just Noire and Kei.

Noire prayed that the next words out of her mouth were just as easy. A polite shut down, hopefully.

Instead, what she got was much, much worse.

"Noire, I think you and I need to have a long chat."

This was it. Noire was going to die. Her heart sank intensely. Her next bathroom visit would be the final separation of her heart and her body. This was it. The end. As of today, Ultradimension had no Lastation CPU. All that would remain was a withered husk of a woman that got far, FAR too out of her comfort zone.

...Or it would have been, if it weren't for the next words from Kei's mouth.  
"To answer your initial question; Yes, I'm single."

This was going to be a long afternoon.


	4. A Green Christmas

The smell of burning wood is what first clued Chika in to her surroundings.

With great effort and willpower, the oracle of Leanbox attempted to forcibly return to the land of the conscious.

First the smell, then came a breeze. A breeze often found at high altitudes. Then came her position. Soft, silky blankets with an extra one possibly on top. Well used but still comfortable mattress below her. Could it be...?

Suddenly, a noise. A pattern, a rhythm... a song? Someone was humming a song. Was it...?

Finally opening her eyes, Chika was greeted to a most wonderful sight. Vert, _her_ Vert, sitting in front of the fireplace. Her Vert, in all of her beautiful green glory. A gracious snowfall in the distance, with the moon beaming down through it. Best of all, was Her Vert, in all of her-

"Chika, my darling, you're awake!" Vert sprang from her seat and practically divebombed Chika. Wrapping her arms around tightly, Vert was practically squeezing the essence from her. "I was so worried after you fell, I've been here for a week! I thought you'd given up on me again" Tears were forming in her eyes

Again...?

Able to feebly move her arms, Chika held Vert closer into her. She wasn't ready to question anything, as attention from her darling Vert was always welcome. There was however, something wrong hanging in the air. An unfamiliar feeling, one of discomfort and discontent. A strange feeling, one that felt misplaced, as if this wasn't a feeling meant for Chika.

From nowhere came a tiny ringing sound. Loud enough to be detectable, yet quiet enough to be dismissed as something else.

"Chika... Chika are you okay?" Vert's expression had contorted into one of worry, and with it the ringing grew louder.

Things suddenly started feeling... lightweight, as if gravity had been distorted. A feeling of dread overcame Chika, who instinctively held Vert closer as the ringing grew even louder. Chika's grimace of pain was met with Vert's reassuring smile and a tighter embrace.

"It's okay Chika, I'm here... Just remember..." The ringing, now reaching agonizing levels, was piercing Chika's mind and head. Letting out a yell of pain and smothering her wonderful Vert even closer, Chika's agony was-

Silence. No pain. No ringing. Everything was dark again, why?

"Just remember, I'm always here with you."

Chika forcibly re-entered the world of the living. The room was unchanged, but it felt off.

No fire, no snowfall, no moon. Only bitter air, clear skies, and a low hanging sun.

Where was...?

Mumbling, voices. Leaning over to the other side of the bed, Chika listened intently.

"Compa, how is she?" said a low, worried voice.

"I dunno Mrs Cave, she seems fine physically aside from that nasty wound I patched up on her head, but this is the second time, right? I'm worried about Mrs Chika."

Through the oak walls, Chika could barely make out a concerned sigh.

"Third time. Third time this year. I don't think she'll ever get over Lady Vert's death."


	5. Hyperdistraction Vert: IF Unleashed

Life with Vert was something else.

Before, IF spend hours at the guild to provide for herself. Hours upon hours of tiring labour, question, and errands. But now? Now IF got everything she wanted. Meals, snacks, entertainment, snuggles, friendly company. Anything IF needed? She had. Anything IF wanted? She got. She often felt as she wasn't giving enough back to Vert, all things considered.

Vert would disagree. Vert saw IF as perfection; her wonderful lover and adorable best friend at the same time. Vert treasured every second of IF's company, from their publicity walks around Leanbox to their quiet nights snuggled on the couch, every moment that IF was near Vert was heaven for the CPU of Leanbox.

One day, however, the two experienced a bit of a... bump, so to speak. Four very large, sudden bumps.

The weeks prior, dimensional barriers became undone. Other Neptunes, Noires, Blancs, Verts, etc. had all started to visit. Some more unique guests too, such as a fiesty redheaded CPU, an adorable CPU in pajamas who seemed rather unsettling, and a cute hooded girl who kept yelling KILL KILL KILL.

Today, Vert received word that another Vert was coming to visit, this time with **her** lover. This could go... many, many ways.

Vert and IF stood in front of the portal, holding hands and waiting anxiously for their guests to appear. As luck would have it, they didn't take too long. Out of the purple, glowing portal came another Vert, wearing a teal and black outfit with an xbox choker. Behind her was another woman, who never took her eyes off of Vert, wearing black and green, and an absurd ponytail.

Chika, she introduced herself as Chika. IF introduced herself in turn, though the mere mention of the name "IF" set Chika on alert. IF wondered why, though her thoughts were quickly dashed when she saw the two Verts getting... incredibly close to one anot- WAS THAT A KISS?

Dinner, as you may imagine, was an interesting affair. The two Verts exchanged interdimensional gossip and MMO talk, whilst the two lovers changed their focus between their lover, and one another. Mostly uneventful, save for the ending;

The two Verts whispered to one another, drawing the suspicion of IF and Chika. Finally, they dropped the bombshell; "We should all snuggle together."

Neither of them had the heart to say no.

It wasn't exactly an unpleasant affair. Chika and IF were sandwiched in the middle, with their respective Vert by their side. It was almost kind of nice; IF ended up snuggling with Chika eventually, and the woman was definitely enjoying it. It was almost kind of familiar.

Too familiar.

Night came and went, as did the gentle touch of sleep. IF woke up surrounded by two clingy Verts, with no Chika in sight. Exiting the bed, IF threw on some slippers before going on the hunt. Fluffy, luminous, green slippers.

There was no sign of Chika in the bathroom, and it seemed that it hadn't been disturbed in hours, so she hadn't been here. All of the guest rooms were completely unotuched; they were never used, so every handle had a thick layer of dust on it, betraying Chika's lack of presence. Coming into the living room, IF spied a large mass of green hair, untied from its ponytail for years, dangling down the back of a black bathrobe, which was leaning on the balcony.

Slowly, and cautiously, IF approached Chika, who hadn't realized she was there-

"You're up early."

Or not.

"Couldn't sleep, and didn't see you in bed, I was worried." Chika seemed to laugh upon hearing that. She patted the balcony beside her, an offer which IF took.

"IF... IF..., hrm" Chika was deep in though, almost disconnected from reality. On her face was a look of confusion, yet there was a look of anger and frustration there as well.

Suddenly, tears well in Chika's eyes, and she collapsed to the ground in shock. IF knelt beside her, papping her face lightly and trying to keep her conscious.

She took hold of Chika's face, and stared right into her eyes. At that moment, it dawned on her.

The leaf headpiece, the long flowing outfit, the Vert obsession.

Chika stared back, and emotion drained from her voice.

"IF... that was my name once."


	6. Boop

9am.

The sun is shining gently through the window, a calm breeze is welcoming itself in, the sound of trees moving in the wind is caressing her ears.

 _Ah yes_ IF thought, _this is perfect. nothing can top this._

At least, so she thought.

The door opened with a creak. Small enough for Vert to hear, but IF was none the wiser. Before making her move, Vert took a moment to appreciate just how beautiful IF looked with the light of the morning winter sun covering her face, almost as if she were a gift from heaven itself.

She sneaked over, taking the utmost care not to make a single sound, for even a creak could ruin the surprise.

 _Sneak. Sneak. Sneak._

IF was still silent, entirely unaware of Vert's presence.

Vert leaned in, ever so subtly, slowly approaching IF's beautiful, perfect little...

 **Boop**

Vert backed away slowly with a massive grin. She finally got to kiss IF's precious little nose. IF felt this, and slowly returned to the realm of consciousness with a smile.

"You were waiting for that, weren't you?"  
"Me? Waiting? Why I never, Ms. IF"

IF pulled Vert into a hug.

"C'mon Vert, it's been 6 months, you can stop calling me Ms." IF chuckled, before planting a kiss on Vert's cheek. Vert responded in kind, leading to a kissfight of sorts.

Eventually, the two settled into a long embrace, savouring the other's company... for a while, anyway. Vert, as always, had something else in mind.

"IF... my love?"

"Yes, Vert?"

"I found your cellphone."

IF's blood froze over.


	7. Blatant Self Indulgence

Planeptune's prison had a very distinct aroma. Sterile, like the inner corridors of a hospital, yet at the same time it had the lightest tinge of lavender, perhaps placed there by Histoire out of pity. After all, Linda and Magic were locked in low security for... some reason or other. Histoire's mercy, mayhaps.

What was not merciful, however, was the sparing of CFW Magic. With DOS Arfoire gone and the Four Felons disbanded, Magic was a shell of her former self, with only the Under- I mean Linda, for company. The two hadn't spoken since their defeat, and it had been roughly 6 months since then. Despite sharing a bed, the two often slept on opposite sides, never touched nor spoke to the other, and generally lived a secluded life within the prison.

Until one day, that is.

"Why?" said Magic quietly, barely a whisper that would've been nothing were the prison not quieter than death.

Linda looked over at her, pink hair covering Magic's eyes like a macabre, unwashed veil.

"Er... Why what, exactly?" mouthed Linda, each word dripping with hesitation.

"Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every night, I can still feel my eye, my fingers, even Arfoire. The body I've lost, the comrades I've lost, won't stop hurting"

"Why am I still alive? Why did they spare me?" Her words sounded guilty, but it was hard to judge through her usual monotone.

"Why wouldn't they? They're crooks, yeah, but they're not sociopaths." said Linda defensively, unusually defendant of the CPUs.

"Why would they? I'm just a pawn, a soldier. In the grand scheme of things, I don't matter... nothing matters." A hint of regret broke through Magic's for a monotone, if only for a second, and humanized the once immortal-feeling CFW deeply.

"I... well..." Linda stammered and racked her little Underling brain for some little Underling words.

Ding!

Suddenly, an idea... A risky one.

Linda got off from her chair, walked over, and knelt beside the CFW.

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Linda stammered out the words "You... you matter to me."

Magic looked up, her once soulless eyes lightly tingling with something resembling appreciation. The CFW's lips twitched ever so slightly into something that seemed like a macabre imitation of a smile.

"I... thank you Under- Linda."

Linda smiled back, possibly the first sincere smile that was ever smeared on her little face.

The following days were significantly less tense. The two comrades talked now and then, reminiscing on the past, their former allies, even their enemies. Their discussions continued, until one night...

The smell of... oil, faint, but pleasant.

Linda slowly raised one eye awake, and met with a most glorious sight.

Magic had, in her often restless sleep, rolled over and pulled Linda into a snuggle.

Or she did, until the weight of what had happened hit Linda and the little Underling let out a happy squeal. Loud enough to rouse the CFW from her sleep.

"What..." Magic wearily rubbed an eye open. "What was that sound?"

"Er... I, well, technically eh uh-" Linda's spaghetti was dropped. There was no way she could even speak now. This was it, the end of all th-

"Was that... you?" Magic laughed a little. _Magic laughed._ ** _Magic laughed._** ** _Magic laughed._** Linda could hardly believe it. **THE** CFW Magic, the stoic badass idol that all aspiring pirates should look up to... laughed?

It was a pleasant laugh, too, a natural laugh. As if Magic had just witnessed a cute puppy, or saw someone get pranked. The underling blushed, as it was the only response she had left in her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Magic's next words put a halt to that.

"It... it was cute." Both Magic AND Linda let loose cheesy smiles, unable to comprehend the weight of what was occuring. For Magic, this was the first emotion she'd shown since her creation. For Linda, her idol, and crush, just admitted she was cute.

For a moment, there was a deathly silence between them. Thoughts raced, sprinted and hopped across their mind, almost in sync.

 _Smooch_

Without realizing, the pair had gotten closer... closer... closer, until they unknowingly collided into a kiss. It took a second longer than an accident for them to pull away, and when they did, their embrace wasn't broken. They stayed that way for the coming night, Linda's head nested in Magic's chest, and Magic's hands gently stroking Linda's bright green hair.

Months passed, and the two eventually got set free. Well, one of them did.

Linda was released on probation, and the Planeptunian oracle let her take one valued possession with her.

Due to a loophole, she took Magic with her.


	8. Heavy Impact

Noire stared at the tiny, excited yellow child before her. She didn't know how to handle children, or Neptune, so Neptune's child was like hell for her. She wasn't even sure how Peashy was conceived, let alone here before her. Neptune probably knows less about a human body than she does about running a nation, it was her and Plutia's child, so that must mean... blegh. Noire felt sick at the thought. She didn't need to think about this anymore or EVER AGAIN. All she had to do was sit back, make sure Peashy doesn't destroy the basilicom (or Uni) and relaaaaaaaaaaaa-

"MAMA!"

The words were followed by enthusiastic jumping and pointing. Noire was puzzled, Neptune and Plutia were nowhere nearby, and to her memory Rei Ryghts was still in Lowee doing god knows what.  
Was she pointing at... Her? It definitely seemed like it. There was no way Noire was this thing's mother. Absolutely NO way. Nuh uh.

"MAMA!"

The words came again, this time more confusing than the last. Peashy was definitely pointing at Noire. This time with far more enthusiasm, if that was even possible.  
Did she really see Noire as a motherly figure? Maybe it was an affectionate term? If so, did Peashy like Noire already? The thought was a nice one, and it even made Noire feel a bit fuzzy inside.

"MAMA!" This time Peashy punctuated that by jumping into Noire's lap and pointing at her face.

Noire was getting flustered by this display of affection. She was even considering kidnapping Peashy as a little sister. She'd look cute in Lastation colours, but at the same time she's already precious in her adorable little bee outfit. Would Uni be okay with this? Would Uni welcome another little sister? She might. Peashy was too young to do paperwork, so she could play with Uni whenever she wanted. Plus, there's the benefit of the massive share boost Lastation would have if they announced they had another little goddess. The same thing happened when Uni was born, and Peashy is even MORE precious than Uni. The share boost would be astronomical.

...

Oh my god, Noire felt she was turning into Ve-

"MAMA'S COMING BEHIND YOU!"

Noire looked behind her and saw a familiar purple glint in the sky, accelerating towards her at insane speeds.  
The last thing that entered Noire's mind as she passed out from the impact was the familiar feeling of Neptune's elbow in her windpipe.


End file.
